" Twenty Seven Days "

Alzheimer's/Dementia is a very sad disease. And it truly is a disease. I think there are still misconceptions about this when in actuality, it is a physical " Death " so to speak, of certain parts of the brain. There may be several causes including heredity and stroke that can cause portions of the brain to die. This leads to many, many different behaviors both physical and mental.

This being said, it is also very challenging for family members, care givers and most importantly, the loved one that suffers from Alzheimer's/Dementia themselves.

While I could get into the physical dynamics of this disease in more detail, I'm not here to write a medical journal entry about the disease at this time. I am by no means an expert in this subject but have researched, observed and cared for these very sweet, loving, scared, intelligent, active, combative, sad and depressed people.

Caring for the resident's with this disease has been such a challenge. During my C.N.A. clinical's, I took an immediate interest in this subject, surprisingly, to myself.  

I consider myself very fortunate to be caring for these residents. I love each and every one of them in their own way despite the sometimes and often difficult behaviors. 

I truly cannot explain what it's like to be in their world. All that I can say is that I am learning new strategies every day in dealing with this difficult disease. I have many stories to tell. I am working as a C.N.A. everyday with them and I feel blessed to be next to them even through the sometimes violent moments.

There but for the grace of God go I.

That's what I told my C.N.A. instructor our class should be called. And it's true. It could be me.

It could be you someday in that situation.

Although I am not satisfied with my current place of employment right now, I will continue to learn and give the best possible care that I am able to.

In the meantime, I have Twenty-Seven days until I Take my state exam. Once I pass that or if I pass that, I will have more doors that will open up for me and I hope that I will be able to serve the Alzheimer's/Dementia patient or resident at that time.

I haven't decided yet where my path will lead me to. Or should I say, where God's path will lead me to. But I can honestly say that if I leave this place, I will sorely miss these residents who have taken a hold of my heart.

Good Lord it's empty in here. I've been walking around inside this page for quite awhile now. Surveying this spot. I can hear the echoes of my footsteps as I am swiping away the cobwebs that have found their place here. 

I ended up in a very strange place that I never thought I would be in my life. So this page has been ignored. Not because of disinterest. No. 

I've found myself in another world so to speak. Truthfully, I can't even do justice to it with my words. I am speechless. Well I guess that's not really right either as I am trying to explain this situation and have to put it into words!

In a word, School. It sounds silly when I say it because it's so common. We've all been there. I've helped all three of my children through it and at the same time, I can honestly say, I hated it.

Until now. It was a fluke. It was a surprise. It was unintentional. It was my daughter Katie's fault. It was her boyfriends sister's fault. It wasn't in the plan although it was a past dream of mine. A long forgotten desire I gave up long ago. And than an imaginary truck hit me. I felt a bug in my butt so to speak and I said "Why not?".

So here I am walking around in this much ignored space that is still decorated for fall. I think I see a rotted Pumpkin on the floor and some much neglected housework as well. All because of an instantaneous moment.

My Katie enrolled in a C.N.A. class in February. I was hopeful and happy for her but knowing my daughter as I do, I didn't feel that this was for her. But her boyfriends sister talked her into it. My husband and I agreed to pay for it. If she didn't go through with it, she would have to go to work to support herself.

The wheels started to turn. I always wanted to be a nurse. I actually took my college entrance exam almost nineteen years ago, before I found out I was pregnant with Katie. That ended that.

I continued to stay at home to raise my three beautiful children. Good children, well, good adults now.

Present day, cobwebs and all. Katie dropped the class at the second  day of the eight week coarse. I stayed. She moved to Texas. She seems happy. That's all that I care about. I miss her terribly but she has to find her own way. I have to trust in what I've taught her.

God works in mysterious ways. You've heard that before right? 

This class has kept me so busy that I can barely remember my own name. I love it. I discovered that I am smarter than I thought. I've learned a lot about myself. I am very happy.

As of now I am carrying an "A" average which doesn't count when applying for a job but it matters to me. At this point I am just going along with what God has put before me. The task at hand so to speak. My house needs cleaning, my yard has been ignored . I have been feeling stress that I've never felt before. My brain is on fire!

We have six more classes to go. Five more Clinical days to go. I love being in the nursing home. I love the work. I really took an interest in the Alzheimer/Dementia unit. I want to go there some more. I'm starting to feel that there is something for "ME".

That probably sounds selfish but it's not meant to be. If I can speak frankly here, I feel as though God is directing me to this destination. I have a few plans in the back of my mind but I don't pay too much attention to planning. I sort of like following direction.

I also love making people feel good, important, worthy, productive and loved. 

Isn't that how you'd like to feel?

Yeah, there are a lot of cobwebs around here. But there's also a lot of other more important work to be done.....

" Why I've Been Gone."

Gosh I know I've been gone for a while and I haven't visited anyone's blogs. There's no need for concern, everything is going fine here just very busy.

It took some time for me to get Kate back to good health since she moved back home. She is doing well now. I think she is even getting over her first heartbreak which we all know is really tough. But I think we've got her back on track, at least I hope and pray.

It was a rough and rocky road for a while.

So much has been going on here and I just haven't had time to do much online and when I do, I've been doing word search puzzles. I love them. Always have. When I do them, I think of nothing else which we all need sometimes. Mindless work. 

I've had the grandkids every other weekend which has been fun yet I realize how much energy they take from me. It makes me realize why we have children when we're young!! They seem to be doing fine. My son's divorce will be final the end of March. He and my DIL are now on good terms with each other, Thank God. We are all getting along and my DIl will always be in my life. I love her so much despite the problems that they've had. They have been together for 17 years so she has always been a daughter to us and will always be.

My oldest daughter landed a new job recently as a web manager at a major video game company but doesn't seem to be happy there. The company has great benefits and perks but she isn't comfortable with it. She has some thinking to do for sure. I miss her so, so much. I don't even know when we'll see each other again as we've all been so busy. She lives in North Carolina and we in Illinois. 

My husband is totally burnt out on his job but still he carries on. There is nothing that I can do for him which is a nightmare for me because all I ever want to do is help people. My Pastor tells me that I cannot help everyone. That people have to make their own choices and all that we can do is be supportive. Yet it's so hard for me to disassociate from his feelings. I have to for my own good however as his stress also effects me.

I had my six month check up recently and everything was pretty good. I have lost about eight pounds in the past two months and my cholesterol has dropped to a manageable number, FINALLY!!!!! However my I.B.S. has been acting up more than ever before. Doc gave me some medication for it. I had a horrible bout last week. Lots of pain. Doc thinks it's all stress related which I agree with. On a good note, I am weaning off of the antidepressants that I've been on since Kate moved back home.

As I said before, it was a really rough time. But now Kate is making me laugh constantly! And she cooks like a seasoned chef.

I am happy to have her back home. I am happy to see my Kate back.

Here's where my most recent stress point is coming from.

Kate and I are redoing her entire room. It was in such BAD shape. Lots of holes to patch. Trim to remove. Lots and Lots and Lots of sanding. Fitting that all in between working two jobs and taking care of this old house that is falling apart, getting my daughter back on track, well lets just say, it's been a bit of a challenge.

We are almost done sanding, almost. Then we have to wash the walls and ceiling. Prime and paint. Not to mention she has lots of furniture she wants to paint to match the room. The fact that she's 18, doesn't stop her from wanting a princess room. What a challenge. Anyway we have exactly 20 days until school starts.

We are both taking C.N.A. (Certified Nurses Assistant) classes. Here I am at almost 55, starting a career that I wanted 20 years ago. I've always dreamed of becoming a nurse. I actually took my college entrance exams 19 years ago to become an L.P.N. (Licensed Practical Nurse) . Then I found out I was pregnant with Kate. Which was a miracle as Jake and I gave up after five years of trying to have a baby together. 

So I had my miracle baby after a long hard pregnancy at 36. I had to stay in bed for the last six months of the pregnancy because of blood pressure problems and gestational diabetes. I was so sick that they didn't know if I would make it, or Kate.

So as many head and heart aches that she has given me over the years, well, I still feel blessed. But now it's my turn to do something. Menial as it may be. If I can become a C.N.A. it will help our family. I may not make it to nursing classes, but if I can pass this, I will be proud of myself and Kate. Kate wants to go on to become a P.A. (Physician's Assistant)   Well at least for now .

We will see. 

So I hope you can understand why I haven't been around much. Life has just taken over for now. I can tell you this much though, I will be back and I will visit soon!!

Love Di ♥

"Retention"

It's my blog and I'll blog what I want to! 

I looked up the definitions of "Retain" and "Retention". Neither one struck my fancy. In my my mind, at this very moment, "Retention" is a scary word to me. 

I've recently signed up for C.N.A. (Certified Nurses Assistant) classes with my Katie girl. There is a two fold reason for this. 

#1 - Katie needs some back-up.

#2- I've wanted to be a nurse for over twenty years. I've been to afraid to take the classes. 

#3- In the state of Illinois, you must pass this class before you can go on to the L.P.N. (Licensed Practical Nurse) class. Which is much more difficult and expensive.

#4- "Retention". I will be 55 in April. I don't even know how much my brain can retain. It's been almost 40 years since I've been in school.

#5- The L.P.N. class is nine months long. And the tuition is much higher the the C.N.A. class.

#6- I am scared.

#7- I am excited.

#8- I am tired already.

#9- I think I can do this.

#10- I'm sorry that I haven't visited you.

#11- My daughter has consumed my life.

#12- I am taking these classes for myself as I am so, so tired of thinking of everyone else.

#13- Please pray for "Retention". As I truly don't know at this point in my life, how much I can retain at one time.

#14- My life has been so busy that I don't know when I'll blog again.

#15- I love and miss you all...

Love Di ♥

" Moonlight Serenade "

Well here we are with yet another full moon. It is beautiful. Yet sleep escapes me for several days when it arrives.

Precious sleep. It's hard to come by with age. And the beautiful full moon,
she doesn't help at all.

So I just go with it knowing that it will pass. My mind races. My body protests.
My children complain of their lack of sleep, all the while telling me that I am crazy for suggesting the fact of the sleepless full moon.

Ah yes, the beautiful yet sleepless full moon.

" Where Was I ? "

Oh yeah, I was at the grocery store. I'll bet you thought I was there for quite awhile right? Truth be told, I did give grocery shopping quite a bit of thought after my last post.

I truly was a bit confused as to what I wanted to eat. So many years of pleasing other people, I guess I just forgot what I liked. Well except when someone else cooks for me. I'm not very picky at all when I don't have to think or work for food!!

I did however learn a few interesting things about myself after 54 years. The strangest thing that I discovered was that I don't eat much.

It's true! When no one is around, I don't have much of an appetite. As a matter of fact I think I've lost about five pounds in the last month without even trying. Food, when I am alone becomes a necessity to survive. I really don't have many cravings and do quite well one two meals a day with a yogurt, glass of V8, whole wheat toast with jelly or a few pretzels in between.

Another very interesting discovery that I have made while being alone is that I can live on mostly vegetables and a little fruit. I've had about 12 ounces of fish and 16 ounces of meat, mostly chicken, in an entire week with the rest of my food intake being vegetables, whole grain bread, yogurt and or cottage cheese.

I'm not a huge dessert person. Don't get me wrong here, I love dessert as much as the next person, I just don't crave sweets very much. Example, I buy a large Hershey Dark Chocolate Bar, every two weeks. I have a square or two a day, sometimes skipping a day.
That satisfies that!

When my husband comes home on the weekends I splurge and prepare something special. It's sometimes fattening but not always. Last week I made Cheesy Chicken Enchiladas in which the ingredients included, sour cream and Velveeta. Yeah, that was fattening! But we also had a delicious salad with the help of Lean Cuisine. 

Perhaps you've heard of the Lean Cuisine Salad helpers? They are fairly new and you can find them in the freezer section. See, I found my way around the grocery store after all!!!

All you need is lettuce. There is a package of microwavable black beans, chicken, corn, and red peppers. Just microwave and pour on top of lettuce. Meanwhile there was a nice spicy dressing included along with tortilla strips. I also added sliced onion and avocado. 
Very tasty. My husband even liked it! They have a few different flavors which I am anxious to try.

It's been nice having a candle light dinner with my husband on the weekend. Something we aren't used to doing together and it looks like will be coming to an end now as our Katie has returned home like a boomerang. It's o.k. I wasn't ready for her to leave yet anyway.

But just so you know, I'm not going to let other people dictate how I eat anymore. From now on, I am eating for myself and I rather like it that way. I've taken care of everyone else long enough. It's time to think about myself. At least once in awhile right?

" Grocery Shopping "

Grocery shopping. This is not a task that I generally give a great deal of thought to nor do I enjoy it in any way.

For instance, I can never remember a time when I've had enough money to get all of the things I'd like let alone need. Never. We've always paid the bills first and whatever was left over, well, that would have to make due.

When my children were all at home, grocery shopping proved to be quite a challenge. Buying enough food to keep everyone fed and for the most part happy, wasn't always easy.

I do believe this is one of the reasons that I've never liked cooking. That's not to say that I am not a good cook. I am, tooting my own horn here, a good cook. My specialties being soups, a talent that I picked up from my grandmother Laverne and my ex in-laws. I also have a great talent, or so I've been told, for making something out of nothing. This I think came from my father who was a cook in the Sea Bee's. We didn't have much money in those days either. What extra we did have, my father drank so he was good at making something out of nothing.

Back to grocery shopping. I had to do a bit of it yesterday and it was an eye opening experience for me. You see this was the first time that I can remember, being able to shop for myself. I found this to be quite confusing as I quickly realized that I didn't know what to buy for myself. Oh there were those items, staples, we used to call them that we needed, but I truly didn't have a clue what I wanted to eat for the next few days!

I've always shopped for food with my children and husband in mind and I actually did buy a couple of things I could cook that my husband would like. Even though I rarely cook anymore much to my husbands dismay. I've put my own tastes on the back burner for so long trying to satisfy everyone else that I really didn't know what I liked or wanted anymore.

I love vegetables, all of them except for Eggplant which I'm allergic to. I always try to keep a big container of salad in the fridge for lunch and or dinner. Unfortunately finding good fresh vegetables right know is costly so I resorted to a lot of frozen ones. I only eat red meat a couple of times a month. Chicken and fish is my norm.

I like to eat healthy. Something the rest of my family could care less about. And now I can. My biggest problem now is cooking. I still hate it and I certainly don't like doing it for myself. I consider it a huge waste of time. I don't like food THAT much !!

So after my little adventure in the grocery store yesterday I came to the conclusion that I need to take some time to find some fast, easy and healthy recipes. It's much easier to buy the frozen lean meals but they really aren't that healthy for you. The sodium content is usually pretty high and I don't find them very satisfying.

So I will be giving this some more thought in the coming weeks. I will gladly accept any QUICK, EASY, HEALTHY recipes you may send my way!!